How to have Conversations with Adults about Substance Use

The old adage of avoiding politics, religion and sex at family gatherings is well known and many would add drug use and prevention conversations to that list. Maybe we don’t feel comfortable bringing it up because we know it isn’t easy to talk about or we feel worried the conversation will create friction and possibly damage a relationship. Maybe we just don’t feel like we know enough about it to have a meaningful conversation. Talking about substance use isn’t about perfectly planned out conversations. There isn’t a specific script to follow. It’s about tapping into human connection where people can speak honestly and feel listened to without feeling judged or shamed.   

Feeling connected and accepted is how we thrive as individuals in our families and communities. In conversations about substance use, connection is not just an added bonus—it is a necessity. These conversations can significantly impact an individual’s choices regarding substance use, their ability to support others and their willingness to seek help if they need it.  

Start the conversation by asking an open ended question and then listening. It's a great way to gauge what someone already knows and how they feel about substance use. It can be as simple as asking your teenager “how do you feel about substances like alcohol, marijuana and opioids?” or “what have you noticed about substance use with your friends?”. Or if you wanted to learn more from a family member or friend who uses or lives with substance use in their home, you might ask, “what do you think influences the use of drugs and alcohol for you or your family?”

Focusing on listening first allows you to understand someone’s perspective and helps the other person feel valued. Keep in mind that people may be reluctant to engage in this topic. By using personal stories you can create a connection and show that you are coming to this conversation with compassion and care. If you share your views, the person may disagree with them but avoid discounting their reality and dismissing their experience if it differs from yours. The goal is to support each other. Stay calm and patient, emphasizing that you’re there to understand and support, no matter what.   

It’s important to have accurate information about the impact of substance use if you are going to talk about facts. Scare tactics don’t work and we can lose credibility. This is about potentially saving a life and the more we know, the more we can empower each other. 

Many factors influence access to and use of substances. We can use a compassionate trauma-informed approach by paying attention to signs of emotional distress during the conversation. Anyone can learn about signs of emotional distress through our local Trauma Informed Community Network’s (TICN) free Trauma Basics training. Requesting training with the NRV Resiliency Network is easy, just email Julie Fox at jfox@nrvrc.org.

A genuine connection can make all the difference in how someone receives information, support and guidance. This quote from American television host Fred Rogers sums this up well: "In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers."